| soul |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|09:54 pm] |
hiding hiding hiding
i feel it but i don't see it
it tries
but.
but .
but .
can't make a decision
can't make anything
just lingering
(emotion?)
and sometimes bursts
epic
(like in movies...)
feels like unexpected snow
feels like...
living
(but is real)
and i'd wanted to
i wanted to
a day,
an hour,
sooner.
and the timing was probably fine
(and it wouldn't have made the(?)difference)
but inside it's all
mottled
and
and
and
mush.
i wonder, have i felt this way before?
(coloured like fireworks)
and do i just not remember?
and i think; i can't think.
of a single soul.
i want to share this with.
and somehow.
it keeps spilling out and spilling out and sinking in. |
|
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| get high (?) |
[May. 29th, 2008|01:29 am] |
| [ | i'm so emo |
| | tranced | ] |
| [ | sound |
| | portishead | ] |
often?
often lie?
i'll say why(?) but will know ( . )
better than to expect a straight answer...
over & over & /over
i'll try/
turning new into old/
i can't turn shit into gold/
left alone/useless/help...
help me
impress you
because
soon i will bow down to her majesty
& say goodbye
dump all the trash
(leave it behind)
gathered along the way
(really i find: it's the flavor)
sitting aside
& yll say "what's good in the hood"
and i'll forget i ever tried to/wished to/longed to [turn(ed)] away
...digits...
(pick up the FUCKING phone and dial 11)
[complaining ain't deep]
so i try, try again (?)
2057 ((TRY TO GET GAME))
(proverbially)
give us a reason to come back again, ay? |
|
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2008|08:39 pm] |
save me from myself
i think i am going to be sick |
|
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| 2057 |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|09:22 pm] |
realizing what we give up
for the things we give up
for the people we give up
makes
giving up
seem better and better
easier
(trying not to let)
mistakes we never made
turn into regrets
and we fall apart
until we don't anymore
i get distracted
but my mind wanders back
wanders back
wander back
to...
being alone with . . .
you
amongst a thousand others
(i don't see)
a way i can show you honest(l)y
i want to be near to you (again)
overkill |
|
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| just the slight jingle of pocket change pulsing |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|02:14 pm] |
i have a ticket out of here for tomorrow.
i don't know why.
i think there was something... important.
my house is strange.
filled with places i don't remember.
and i am trying to stay calm under the pressure of confusion.
i am frantic.
packing?
packing.
i haven't even told my work i'm leaving.
i don't know what to tell them...
i didn't...say
the bathroom was flooding.
dark water running all down the hall.
three four five turns to the right, wonder what a mess.
i only try to fix things. but sometimes we are all too broken. |
|
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| "alibutton the mall punk" |
[Mar. 9th, 2008|04:17 am] |
one of my first friends in key west is dead.
work today sucked.
"i was told that when water comes from the eyes it is called crying"
the peruvian said to me.
i left our kid the baby toy rattle bird hanging
it's spring break and the town is getting packed to the gills with douche bag college kids, drunk off their asses and just begging to get fucked (both by people and cops).
got paid but can't get to the money.
boy's a playa' and i heard he's talkin shit,
i guess he won't be giving me anymore cookies
or i won't be taking them.
disappointing, but not surprising.
i saw it coming.
drummer boy bought me a tuna sandwich and a heneiken.
there are ants crawling about the computer screen.
going to go camp on the dry tortugas with a badass chick from work and some others.
maybe eating some mushie chocoltes (crosses fingers)
listening to curtis vodka'a gafasta
is good and i miss him
got drunk in a parking lot by the garden of eden with some friends
screaming chants and meditating at the top of one's lungs
vodkavodkavodka
yuck
we ask ourselves why we can't have a normal conversation
and then we laugh as loud as we can
we say
every day here is like a new trip
"you ate a pound of mushrooms!"
and we don't even need to
because it's just that strange
yesterday i watched a lizard eating ants in my backyard
and there was a righteous thunderstorm
like
one of
the greatest rock 'n' roll shows of all time
rumbling everywhere, crashing
i'm trying to think
roxicet
it's hard to know if i use the term
"friend"
too loosely
i got invited to the green parrot for drinks with some... uhh,
acquintances? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2008|05:12 pm] |
some things never change
we just get better at pretending
(creatures of habit)
how can i face the music, if i can't figure out what direction it comes from?
i don't even know where the fucking volume knob is.
wipe out.
what growing up has taught me so far:
there is never enough money.
(and never a lack of lonesome) |
|
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2007|03:00 pm] |
| [ | sound |
| | princess skullface sings | ] |
i am having a fantastic week, i hope it carries on.
i hope it spills over into next week and the next week into a fantastic month.
a fantastic summer.
a good year.
i could deal with that.
and i am not as afraid to have faith in it anymore.
i just really need a fucking job, dude. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2007|02:31 am] |
to the demon that wrings his hands,
green as any envy,
i tell him;
"it's like trying to colour in the lines, when the lines are all but moving"
at this point i've almost let him go.
i say;
"it's like 'connect the rorschach'"
and it was,
when it emerged from my veins.
and i saw it's black arms sway
reaching, a black mass toward the heavens.
(our father)
we began counting down...
entwined
fingers
missing lines
spindly and anxious for war, bloodshed, silence
and as they tap percussion on their machines
we march,
readied,
into the fire.
without turning i begin to tell him what my eyes can not
"goodbye' |
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